Saturday, May 25, 2013

Being Assertive

I remember in elementary school they taught us about passive, assertive, aggressive in friendships and personalities. I always thought I was assertive but was always so cautious about what other people would think about the things I was saying. I chose my words carefully, making sure not to seem whining or like I was complaining. The last thing I ever wanted to do was upset people. The eating disorder told me to become this super girl. Capable to the extreme, able to deal with anything, and never complaining or letting people down. I guess I always just thought passive meant shy. But it's not at all! Lately I've been passive. Honest to myself it's the truth. I feel like I'm not yet up to ability so therefore I don't get a say in anything. But the past few days it's been really bugging me. I'm getting stuck doing things I don't want to be and I can't deal with it anymore. I don't want to seem like a baby or be all whiny and complaining but where is the line drawn between that and being assertive. I deserve my preferences just as much as others, right? So I'm planning on having a friendly assertive conversation with some people this afternoon. Hopefully I won't chicken out! Cause I can tell the eating disorder might just be whispering in my ear, "stop being a baby this is what you get for not being good enough". Uggh like I need more stress is my life right now! But I think that getting this off my plate might just help me feel a little better. So ED, stand back because I'm about to speak up!

Love,
Sophie Ana


Sunday, May 12, 2013

May is Here!

How is it already more than a week into May! It's incredible and I cannot even believe it. I have not had a single second to post which goes to show what my Mays are always like. They are non stop crazy go get things done stop for a minute and realize it's already June. And so far that is exactly how it has been. WHoa. That's how I'm feeling. But it also stirs up that summer excitement in me along with the awesome weather and more time to do fun things. Although in this recovery process I must be honest so... I feel like maybe I'm slipping just a little because of the fact I'm so busy. It's not anything to do with the eating disorder, well kind of. It's not that I'm doing negative behaviors it's that I'm so busy my activity level has gone way up and I haven't been fully compensating for it through my meals and snacks. The most important part about this though, is that I recognized it and now I'm trying to be more aware of it and change it! I know that if I just keeping going on pretending this are fine I might have to stop doing some of the great and busy things I'm involved in right now. So this May, hopefully I will find more that a half second to post, but mostly I want to promise to myself to remember all the great opportunities I have right now and how I don't want to loose them. I will stay strong and when June gets here I will remind myself how I got through May and all of it's craziness! I have been working on a project with lots of old pictures and videos and I'm also adding in lots of quotes so I honestly have felt very inspired lately which is AWESOME! I am also proud of myself because I can deal with pictures from rough times that maybe I don't love, I can say "Ok I am not a fan of this one, it makes me too sad or it's too negative. So I just don't put it in. Easy as that. Who knew right? Well anyway, on to the next crazy day of May.
Ed, stay out of my head! And summer please please please fill the void....

Love,
Sophie Ana