Completing My Meal Plan

It's been a long while since I've posted. Things have been busy with work and life but also busy with recovery. Lately though, I have been really struggling with completing my meal plan. I had an appointment with my dietitian 4 weeks ago and it went really well. She said she wasn't going to have to weigh me and that it seemed like I was really taking full charge and responsibility on things. I have to admit, I was feeling the same way--like things were really looking up and going well. OF course the eating disorder heard all this and began to twist. And twist. And twist. All those positive words turned into; you're doing too well, you've stopped exercising so you're gonna gain weight, you should eat more healthy, what if you're overeating because you're not doing the meal planning correctly. So it all started again; the skimping on the measuring, getting all my requirements except a few calories less, putting off meals and then trying to make up for them later, becoming obsessive about timing and what I ate. UGH so all of this has been going on for 4 weeks. And I don't think I'm doing too badly, but I just feel badly about things. Like my mindset is not healthy and if I don't get on this it will quickly spiral (as we all know Ed loves to do). So I have an appointment tomorrow and I'm honestly dreading it. I feel like a little kid getting called down to the principals office. Like I feel like I'm going to get yelled at and in trouble because I can admit and honestly have been fucking it up. I'm doing it wrong and I know it's destructive and negative yet I'm not stopping it. That's the worst part. She's going to look at me and say "so what do you think needs to change". My response? I have no fucking idea, aren't I paying you to help me with those kinds of problems? Ahhhhhhh. Let's just say this should be interested. I will try to post again soon with an update. Please comment with any advice or inspiration--we all could use a little bit of that.

Love,
Sophie Ana