Thursday, July 4, 2013

First Day of Vacation

Yesterday I arrived at my lovely vacation location where I will be for about a week. After a decent plane ride and confusing time zone changes I settled in, happy to be with family. I'm not sure if this family knows about my eating disorder. If they know, they haven't been annoying about it cause this were pretty good yesterday. We went out to eat which I was excited about and looked forward too! And yes believe it or not I do like food and enjoy it (most of the time). I'm trying to tell the eating disorder to shut up and let me have a good time- enjoy what I want to eat and not be so restrictive. It went very well at dinner. After we made another outing and they wanted to take me to frozen yogurt. I was pumped for this too because I love FROYO. Unfortunately it was not self serve that I was used to. In my "group" a bunch of people ordered mini and a bunch ordered regular. I heard other people ordering regular so I was like "uhhh sure regular" because to be honest the mini looked kinda small. Big regret and I'm trying to hold back from writing big mistake because it wasn't really a problem I know the eating disorder is over analyzing and being a cheapskate and worrier. Plus since I was traveling I didn't exercise (I anticipated that though) and today I also didn't get to exercise. I slept in late and have been lounging and enjoying this beautiful weather so I missed my chance to go with the others to get some activity in. I did swim a little and have been decently moving around which makes me feel better. BUT! Back to froyo.... so I then noticed that not that many people ordered a regular and it was kind of big (like seriously can places just have a normal small size anymore) and then I started freaking out about the money because someone else paid for me and  I was just like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH why did I have to ruin this day. But then I was like it's not ruined, it's not a big deal. So I didn't eat all the yogurt but felt bad to throw it away because I probably ended up eating the mini size so that's really what was bothering me. Not the calories or any of that shit. The fact that I got the bigger size (eww) and didn't finish it so I wasted money and would have mentally felt better if  I got the smaller size (ughhh). Yup so now I'm feeling pretty crazy and insane that I got that all out but that's what has been on my mind. But honestly it's starting to simmer away now. Oh ya I forgot happy 4th. Haha the things that don't even cross my mind. So for the rest of vacation I'm going to try to be mindful and think through choices and options when it comes to food. But I'm going to try to relax and enjoy myself and let myself intuitively eat without ED! I'm slightly stressing about exercise but I'm hoping to get some in the rest of my days here. Not that I need to but it makes me feel safer and better, especially since I'm a little out of my comfort zone not being at home. Comments? Advice? Anyone experience anything similar? Don't be shy now!

Sophie Ana

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