A Live-able Illness?

A live-able illness?

Eating disorders are very complex and strange because of the so many factors that affect them. This is probably why there is a lack of providers, resources, and insurance coverage. But something that makes me think is the fact that eating disorders are live-able illnesses, for lack of better term. So you’ve probably interpreted that a number of different ways. But my interpretation is this: You can live and function with an eating disorder. That is why most people are so naïve about them, many people have had eating disorders, starting back in the 20s when skinny became pretty. I mean for some people it is really all they’ve known and they just accept and are used to living that way. Think about it, before your illness got “caught” or you got help or even admitted (to yourself, family, friends, whoever!) you had an illness, you were functioning. Were you happy and were you really living? Of course NOT. That is the trick that makes recovery so hard. Eating disorders are not like cancer where if you’re struggling you’re in the hospital and everyone you know is suddenly at your side. Eating disorders are not like surgery or a broken arm where you have a protocol telling you which meds to take and how long you will have your cast on. If you have bronchitis people will notice and you’ll get to a doctor. All these things are real life medical illnesses, and all of them can be life threatening. That is the other thing; eating disorders are just as deadly, serious, and important as all of these other MEDICAL illnesses. It is a fact and everyone in this world needs to accept and embrace that. Ok, done with my little rant there, back to the whole live-able illness thing. Probably a bunch of people you know have “hidden” eating disorders. Meaning you probably are like hmm when you see them based on appearance but you’re like nahhh they’re fine, they seem ok. Right? Um no. A majority of the people with eating disorders are ones  not getting help, living day after day a half ghost life. Because lets face it, although you can function, your life is ruined. Everything is consumed by the eating disorder.  Who would want to give up their full potential to share with an eating disorder? I wouldn’t and if you’re not an “Ed head” you wouldn’t either. Sometimes when I feel stuck I think a lot about this live-able illness concept. I question myself whether I am holding on a bit to the eating disorder and settling for living with it instead of living free. So I keep tabs on myself. I mean maybe it was a particularly rough day that could be alarming and triggering after a large stretch of symptom free days. It’s usually those days where I am all up in my head and feeling kinda bored or stressed. And so after all of that sometimes yes, I say to myself, Ok bud time to step it up, Ed might be sneaking in so you need to work extra hard today. And that’s it, one day at a time, one meal at a time. It makes me really sad to see people who attempt to live with an eating disorder. It is NOT a lifestyle which the media tries to convince us of. Like come on really? I was one of those girls for a while. I was just like, ya I like to be really healthy: I don’t eat anything that’s bad for you, like full out all of that shit. For a short period of time I even told people I had a really sensitive stomach and that if I ate anything “unhealthy” I would get sick. Yeah, not really true. So yes I was functioning but I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t living the way one should. I love the saying YOLO (you only live once). It’s so true and I’ve really been trying to live things up because honestly, why not? Why would you want to live an eating disorder life with a chain on your ankle dragging you down, refusing those dinner dates, parties, and birthdays? So maybe sometime, whenever, cause eating disorder recovery is about breaking those rules, just think about where you are and if you're attempting to live with an eating disorder or you're feeling like you're getting tricked back into taking another turn down that awful block. So a live-able illness? I'd say yes. But recovery, is what truly living is, the eating disorder is nothing but a jail cell cornering you in until you get yourself out of there. Stay strong and live WITHOUT Ed.

Love,
Sophie Ana