April and Cars Are A lot Like Recovery

Today is one of those April days where it's not cold and snowing (so therefore I cannot complain) but it's not exactly enjoyable to be outside for more that 20 minutes. It's overcast, on and off sprinkles, and about 45 degrees. So when I was deciding about this post I figured I could connect this weather to recovery. Weather is very unpredictable, up and down, and sometimes frustrating. It can also be pleasantly surprising. Like those days when rain is predicted but it ends up being 70 and sunny. Weather goes on, just like life, and sometimes what happens is out of our control. All these things, is how recovery is like weather. Recovery can be confusing, one day you eating a fear food and feel great with absolutely not guilt, but the next you're on the floor hysterical because you ate yogurt. But when you get in these ruts or those days where life is exhausting, everything is triggering, and recovery seems impossible, try to step back for a second, take a time out and notice the weather. It may not be what you would like it to be for today but eventually the sun will go down and the next day will start fresh. You cannot control what the weather will be tomorrow, nor can you control where recovery will lead you. When days are like today, gloomy and almost disappointing, I just tell myself, summer will be here soon, and nice days will come. Before I know it I will be sweating and complaining about lack of air conditioning. Even sooner than that though, there will be sunny days where the temperature gets higher. Plus, learning to get through those dark and gloomy days will only help the warmer ones shine even brighter. And just because it's not today doesn't mean it's not going to be nicer soon or for that matter ever. Recovery is like that. Of course you have control over recovery (where as with the weather we are not so lucky) but I like to think of it like this: Recovery from an eating disorder is like driving a car, you have to put fuel in the car (this one is obvious-you have to eat to live), you have to get the keys, put on your seat belt and start the engine (you need to prepare and want recovery for yourself before you really start, then there is getting out of a really tight garage (the beginning of recovery can be very bumpy), but then after that for the most part recovery kind of chooses it's own path. The uncontrollable sense of recovery is kind of like your annoying GPS. It will get you to the destination but sometimes it take you the long way and you end up at some dead ends and gravely roads in the middle of no where. So you recalculate. And you get back on track. Because in the end you will get there and the journey is just as important as the destination. Sometimes you get cruise control going and your just kind of holding your own. You're not relapsing but you're not soaring high with success and wisdom. You're kind of stuck and it's not very clear where you're going. But when you get here and yes the weather (taking it back to the weather April thing) might be cloudy and chilly the most important thing is to go on. Because maybe tomorrow will be surprisingly sunny, and at least you're moving somewhere, even if you're not sure where. So now I'm thinking, ok did these connections actually make sense or are they just pure random and confusing. I hope not! I think sometimes you need to do some decoding in recovery and it's important to get creative with it and look at things from different angles. So I'm hoping for a sunny day soon, tomorrow and Monday are supposed to be nice! But until then I know things are ok. "I am me and I'm okay." And believe me when I say this, recovery, the weather, and life will go on and the forecast is looking pretty bright.

Love,
Sophie Ana